Just wait right there mister, because you know a lot of books get submitted to my publisher. Sitting there in an office in a little chair reading. In a suit, in a court, saving people's lives. I get paid for breathing." How did you get that job? Mary: Okay, smart-ass, what do you do? Tim: I am a lawyer. It's like someone asking, "What do you do for a living?" "Well, I breathe. Tim: No! You read for a living? Mary: Yes. Tim: So, what do you do? Mary: I'm a reader at a publisher. But if it was, which it's not - Dad: Which it is. If it's true, which it isn't - Dad: Although it is. I can't kill Hitler or shag Helen of Troy, unfortunately. I can only go to places where I actually was and can remember. Although it's not as dramatic as it sounds. Tim: So you're saying that you and granddad, and his brothers could all travel back in time? Dad: Absolutely. Well, more accurately travel back in time. And the secret is that the men in this family can travel in time. Get ready for spooky time, but there's this family secret. This is going to sound strange, be prepared for strangeness. The simple fact is the men in this family have always had the ability to. How many prostitutes will you need to talk to before this issue is solved? Dad: This is an odd moment for me because I had the same moment with my father when I'd just turned 21, and after it, my life was never the same so I approach it pretty, um, nervously. I'm here to celebrate true love not scribble my illegible signature on stupid bits of paper that you can flog on eBay so that at the next wedding you can wear a less hideous hat. I'm not particularly proud of many things in my life, but I am very proud to be the father of my son.
And this is a kind man with a good heart.
We all get old and tell the same tales too many times. I'd only give one piece of advice to anyone marrying. King, obviously, and this young man here. My dad was a frosty bugger so that only leaves dear Uncle Desmond, B.B.
But, important first is to say the one big thing.